Something fishy going on
Two bucks worth of advice
Wednesday, March 24, 2004 -- Returning home today from work, I noticed the sign in front of McDonalds has
been programmed to display their newest plea to passers-by, word for word:
"2 Filet-o-Fish for $2 -- Now Accepting Applications"
Quite a stumper this is. The story would be, as told by their brightly-lit
roadside beacon, that they are accepting applications. For Filet-o-Fish. Has the
demand for fish sandwiches suddenly skyrocketed, making this vast, yet
vulnerable empire of fast food plummet into Filet-o-Fish deficit? What
mysterious and unnatural surge of political delirium befalls this corporate
giant, to compel the wayward fate of recruiting nearby travelers into the fray,
in the interest of this fish-like commodity? Several possibilities emerge from
the ashes of this rather ambiguous plea:
1. Rationing during hard times. They are planning to interview all
prospective Filet-o-Fish customers and "weed out the unworthy ones",
thereby reducing their demand to only those customers whom they consider most
valuable, most deserving, or otherwise. Such unprecedented bias would surely
cause a rift that would destroy the whole fast food industry, if there is such a
thing, that is. I take pity on McDonalds, if they have fallen on such
unfortunate times, but I foresee times ahead to be even more difficult as they
fall subject to the inevitable indignation from customers displeased with their
2. Recruitment in new fast food art. They are planning to hire several
people to dress up in Filet-o-Fish costumes, and they merely need to conduct
these "applications" along with auditions to determine which potential
"Filet-o-Fishers" will get the part. An amusing notion, but not that
atypical, as many restaurants have themes, and some even have mascots.
3. Human sacrifice. This could be a message of voluntary sacrificial
offering of one's own body. This is your chance to be turned into a Filet-o-Fish
for someone else's consumption. Knowing the ingredients of most of their
products, this hypothesis seems to be the most likely.
In any case, we can all hope that they come to their senses and stop these
senseless, esoteric actions, whatever the hell these actions may be.
Have a great day and stuff.